


Drunken Casanova

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:53:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: A drunken and sloppy attempt at seduction is more successful then expected.





	Drunken Casanova

This wine was truly delicious, in fact, you were going to have another cup. You reached for the ewer only to meet the flesh of another hand. Thorin seemed to have had the same thought in his mind as you clutched the back of his hand for a moment before you released it. You would surely not win that battle.

You put your chin in your hand as you watched him pour the wine sloppily into his own goblet before you reached across for the near empty ewer. Ever since you had come to this world, you had been longing for a good drink or two. It would wipe away all the weird stuff which had happened in the last weeks.

You began to sip from your own glass and stood up from the table, you could not sit any longer. You needed to walk around. You began to pace around the table, swilling the wine in your mouth as you found Kili and Fili chattering on their feet, listening to Bofur’s out of tune flute playing.

“What’s up, players?” You asked as the wine seeped into your brain, “Talking sports?”

“Sports?” Fili looked at you confused and you remembered this was not a night club.

“Right…” You squinted your eyes, “You talking about the chicks, you got those here. Example: me.”

“Chicks?” They looked down at you as you took another swig.

“Girls, y'all,” You wiped your lips with the back of your hand, “I tell you, surrounded by all you manly dwarves, it’s tough, you know?”

You frowned as you heard your own words, it seemed the wine had taken over your tongue once again. The Durin brothers looked like they were blushing as you drank deeper, trying to hide your own embarrassment.

“Don’t worry,” You patted Fili’s shoulder but the motion made you nearly stumble, “I won’t try to bed you precious little babies.”

“What? We are most certainly not babies,” Fili puffed his chest out and Kili followed suit.

“Oh, child,” You teased as you grazed your fingers along Kili’s cheek, “Then why do you look so scared?”

“I’m not scared,” He crossed his arms as he pulled away, “Nor interested.”

“Fine, lots of tasty meat to be had,” Something about this drink was making you even thirstier.

“Fili?” You raised your brows lecherously and he merely looked at his boots.

“Alright, let me just scope this place out!” You nearly yelled the last word in your drunken excitement, “Mmmmmm,” You hung off Fili’s shoulder as you leaned into your leer at the table.

Thorin was filling his cup once more and you noticed your own was coming dangerously close to empty as well. Besides, you felt like you were seeing the sexy dark dwarf for the first time. His dark hair hung down his shoulders in sultry waves, his faced glowed with drink, and as you continued to stare, his dusky blue eyes met your own.

“I’ve got my prey,” You slurred as you pushed off of Fili, he gave his brother an alarmed look as he saw where your eyes were pointing, “Time to go hunting, bros.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Kili said as you began to move your hips, preparing for your sexy strut.

“Shhhhhh, you had your chance,” You began to swirl the wine in your cup as you kept eye contact with Thorin, “I wanna make love in this club,” You sang as you drank from your cup, “In this club,” You took your first steps, “In this club, yeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhh.”

You finished the last note as you reached the table, pushing your hip out as your took the refilled ewer in your hands, tipping it into your cup. You took another deep gulp before you looked down at king again.

“What it is, tiger?” You swayed and grabbed his shoulder before you fell, “Ugh, this wine is strong,” You commented as you set down your cup, “Just like you.”

“Mmm, you think I’m strong?” He smirked at you and you kept your hand on him.

“Uh, yeah,” You leaned in a little, “And sexy as hell,” The words carried across the chamber and you heard Kili and Fili groaning behind you.

“You’re drunk,” He warned, though his grin remained.

“And so are you,” You ran your hand through his hair, “Two drunkards both alike in dignity…” You quoted Shakspeare poorly, “In fair Rivendell, where we lay together.”

“That was strangely poetic,” He squinted at your words, his hand found its way to your hip as you swayed once more, “And I must admit, I do admire a poet.”

“Oh, well, here’s another,” You stared down at him intently, trying not to wobble, “To bang or not to bang, that is the question…”

“Bang?” He raised a brow curiously.

“Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,” You slurred as you pulled at his arm, “Let’s talk about it….and even do it!”

For some unknown reason, you had cupped your hand to you mouth and shouted the last part like you were cheering at a football game. You could feel eyes on you but your did not care as you saw the lust in Thorin’s eyes, he seemed interested by your peculiar courting techniques.

“I’m what you want, I’m what you need. He got you trapped, I’ll set you free. Sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally. I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me,” You rapped drunkenly as you held onto him and motioned to your goods and bopped to the beat.

“Oh Mahal,” He muttered, looking down the table as he felt the tense eyes, “What are you doing?”

“You ever made love to a thug in the club with his sights on,” You were blanking on the next verse as you continued your lewd lyrics, lowering your voice as you bent to whisper what you could remember in his ear, “Let’s both get undressed right here, keep it up, boy, then I swear I'mma give it to you non-stop. And I don’t care who’s watchin’.”

Your hand was trailing down his arm and he stood suddenly, his own body wavering as he returned a devilish glare. You had not thought that it would work but something about the wine was extremely potent. Thorin did not even look around at the other dwarves who stared in confusion, instead he pulled you away from the table. Your feet came down clumsily as he pulled you down a corridor, you giggled at your own poor flirting. As bad as it was, it seemed to have been effective.

“Where are we going?” You tried to keep up with him, “Are we going to do the sexxing?”

“Sexxing?” He finally turned back to you and laughed loudly, “I guess that is a word for it.”

Before you could giggle at yourself, he had pulled you to him and his mouth was drunkenly exploring your own. You sloppily kissed him back before you tore away, looking at the line of doors along the hallway. You reached to the nearest one and turned the handle, before kicking it open with a drunken wobble.

“It’s empty!” You threw your arms up in victory, Thorin’s hands were on your waist as he nudged you into the room, you hoped whoever’s it was, would not be expecting to use it this night, “Oh, excited are we?” You hiccuped as you turned back to the drunk dwarf.

“You are a very messy seducer, you know that?” He commented as his hands ran along your neck and shoulders.

“Sure, but you fell for it,” You pulled at his tunic, “And trust me, I’m not so messy in bed.”


End file.
